I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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