the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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