i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
