The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
