dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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