i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
