Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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