Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize