Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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