I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
