Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
