Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
