Cold hands, warm shart.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
