Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
