I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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