i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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