i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
