I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
