I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
