WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
