garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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