I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
