the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
