Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
