so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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