talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
