I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
