The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
