She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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