i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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