I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
