hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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