I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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