I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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