I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm really busy with my period
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