how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
