did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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