Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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