turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
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After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
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So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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