It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize