How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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