The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
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this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
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If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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