Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
