Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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