Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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