I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
