So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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