weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
