Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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