I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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