Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
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Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
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There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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