what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
