Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
