would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
