I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
