Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
