last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
