Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
