Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize