well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
