i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
