I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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