Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
