So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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