Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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