I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
