I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
