Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
